1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
3. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why are do we still have monkeys and apes?
4. The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live!
5. If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
6. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
7. Is this true? One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor?
8. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
9. It a turtle has no shell, is he homeless or naked?
10. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
11. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
12. Why is there Braille on drive through bank machines?
13. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
14. Does the Little Mermaid wear an Algebra?
15. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
16. If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
17. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
18. How come there's an expiration date on sour cream?
19. What a cruel thing it was to do putting an "s" in the word "lisp".
20. Can an atheist make an insurance claim against "Acts of God"?