As part of my never ending quest to make light of the liberal/progressive ideology, I've found the following quotes. I know, a lot of generalizations here but you know what "they" say: "There's always a little truth in the absurd".
Don't kick me yet though. I'll hit conservatives as well. (Maybe).
A liberal is a man who is willing to spend somebody elses money. (Carter Glass)
A liberal is a power worshipper without the power. (George Orwell)
A liberal is a socialist with a wife and two children. (Anonymous)
A liberal is man who will give away everything he doesn't own. (Frank Dane)
A liberal man is too broad-minded to take his own side in a quarrel. (Robert Frost)
A man who has both feet planted firmly in the air can be safely called a liberal. (an American Proverb)
If God had been a liberal, we wouldn't have had the Ten Commandments -- we'd have the Ten Suggestions. (Malcolm Bradbury)
Left-wingers are incapable of conspiring because they are all egomaniacs. (Norman Mailer)
The label of liberalism is hardly a sentence to public ignominy: otherwise Bruce Springsteen would still be rehabilitating used Cadillacs in Asbury Park and Jane Fonda, for all we know, would be just another overweight housewife. (Barbara Ehrenreich)
The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them. (Lenny Bruce)
There are two kinds of liberalism. A liberalism which is always, subterraneously authoritative and paternalistic, on the side of one's good conscience. And then there is a liberalism which is more ethical than political; one would have to find another name for this. Something like a profound suspension of judgment. (Roland Barthes)
We who are liberal and progressive know that the poor are our equals in every sense except that of being equal to us. (Lionel Trilling)